Allow me to Re-Introduce Myself!
We have all been there. At the end of a relationship where you've given your all and are now left with that nagging question in the back of your mind: what do I do now???? Well, after the initial post-coma phase, the part where you realize that everything your friends said about him while y'all were together was actually true, the part where your mother gives you that knowing pat on the back and the "I told you so" look, the part where you can finally see through clear eyes everything you didn't notice while you were so gung-ho in love, comes the single-moon.
Awwww, the single-moon, so-titled because this is the part where you get to reintroduce yourself to you. The part where you get to fall back in love with being an "I" instead of a "we." The part where you get to celebrate life and start all over on your own terms.
For me, the single-moon became more than just a hobby. After ending yet another marriage (yes folks, plural, as in: more than one marriage) before I'd even reached pre-middle age, I had to force myself not to wallow in self-doubt, shame and defeat. I quickly discovered that the best way to do this was to occupy my time with positive outlets, fill the void with things that would edify me, not destroy me. Oh yes, I'm a woman, so of course my first thoughts were crazy thoughts of revenge and spite, but again, would those really help me to grow, to be a better me? Sure, embarrassing him publicly would make me feel good (really good), but that joy would be fleeting. Why not spend that time investing in ME! So that's what I did, invested in me, began my single-moon.
Will your pain instantly vanish? Probably not. Will you stop missing him right away or cease replaying your relationship in your mind wondering when it all went wrong? Not initially. But let me tell you from experience, the best way to get out of being down in the dumps is to get UP! Won't you journey with me?
Awwww, the single-moon, so-titled because this is the part where you get to reintroduce yourself to you. The part where you get to fall back in love with being an "I" instead of a "we." The part where you get to celebrate life and start all over on your own terms.
For me, the single-moon became more than just a hobby. After ending yet another marriage (yes folks, plural, as in: more than one marriage) before I'd even reached pre-middle age, I had to force myself not to wallow in self-doubt, shame and defeat. I quickly discovered that the best way to do this was to occupy my time with positive outlets, fill the void with things that would edify me, not destroy me. Oh yes, I'm a woman, so of course my first thoughts were crazy thoughts of revenge and spite, but again, would those really help me to grow, to be a better me? Sure, embarrassing him publicly would make me feel good (really good), but that joy would be fleeting. Why not spend that time investing in ME! So that's what I did, invested in me, began my single-moon.
Will your pain instantly vanish? Probably not. Will you stop missing him right away or cease replaying your relationship in your mind wondering when it all went wrong? Not initially. But let me tell you from experience, the best way to get out of being down in the dumps is to get UP! Won't you journey with me?
YES ALEXIS! I can't wait to see what the new Alexis will do! Once your start spending more time with you, working on you, and getting to know you again, you're gonna end up loving yourself even more than you do now.
ReplyDeleteI commend you for making these posts. As a woman currently married, I still think it's important to "treat" myself sometimes. I was 29 when I got married. I was use to doing for myself and being independent. I went to the movies and out to eat by myself often. I even traveled alone and had a ball. I stopped doing that when I got married (isn't that expected). However, as I have approached and passed the 40 year mark, I find myself wanting to have alone moments more often. I have been paying attention to my husband, my sons, my church, my organizations, my job,.... so much, that I am losing touch with myself.
ReplyDeleteSo yes, even as a married woman, I understand completely what you are saying. If I don't give myself time and lose myself, I won't be able to make anyone, including myself, happy. This threatens my entire existence and what I have worked hard to achieve. I can't do that to myself- So yes!!! Alexis, I deserve to dress up, put on my makeup, get my hair done, and take myself out sometimes.
My husband doesn't say anything, but he gives me looks sometimes like "What about me?", because he thinks he should go everywhere I go when I am not at work. This is a serious discussion we will have to have. I must try to make him understand that it's not that I don't enjoy spending time with him. I do! But I must start again to enjoy spending time with me so I won't lose me and EVERYTHING else.